Dancing On My Own
by K-yers
Summary: No one really seems to stop and analyze Hayden's situation. She's lovesick and forced to watch the love of her life remain forever happy with another woman. Oneshot.


I love him.

Whether it seemed like it or not, I loved Ben Harmon. Yes, I know that he had been my teacher, and that was supposedly "bad", but he had been the first person to really get to know me. Not like college boys who just wanted to get into your pants. Ben Harmon was kind, intelligent, and married.

But that's when we got close. Vivien was giving Ben a hard time at home and all he needed was a friend. So that's what I became.

We went out for a few drinks and we got to really talk. Not like in class, where the relationship was strictly between teacher and student. I got to really know him as a person and I found that the more I listened, the more I fell for him.

It all happened one night. Vivien had been giving him an unbearable time with the whole miscarriage deal. At the time I wanted to shake her shoulders and scream at her to get over it, but then I lost my own baby.

Ben had had one too many drinks. We were both tipsy and somehow we managed to make it back to Ben's house. I had warned him about his family, but Ben had assured me that she was at a doctor's appointment and that Violet was at school. The next thing I knew, we were both naked and in his bed.

We didn't hear Vivien come home early. She opened the door on us and I tried to hide myself as best as I could. Ben leaped from the bed and told her that it was nothing. That _I _was nothing.

Have you ever had your heart broken? To feel as if someone had taken a knife and plunged it into your chest. I was nothing to him. I left that house and vowed to never return, to never see Ben Harmon again. I would get another teacher. But in the back of my mind, I knew that I wouldn't do any of this. I loved Ben too much.

When he came back to me, I felt as though I did matter. He really loved me and that he had left Vivien for me. But then he was gone again; he had moved across the country with his family and he never planned on seeing me again.

I soon found out that I was pregnant soon after that. My first instinct was to tell Ben. I didn't want a baby yet; I was twenty-one and young and I didn't need to be tied down to another life that absolutely depended on me. Ben came with me to the abortion clinic and I planned on going through with it. But when I looked out into the waiting room for him, Ben was gone.

And then something snapped.

I left that clinic and booked a ticket for L.A. If Ben wasn't going to have the guts to stand beside me during an abortion, then he would pay his dues so that I could properly raise his kid.

Vivien was a problem. Ben had admitted to me in those moments between the sheets that Vivien was getting annoying. Yes, I now admit that her miscarriage was tragic, but she was holding it over him. It was time for her to move on, and it was long time that he came into my arms. We could have a new family, and we'd be happy.

When I confronted Ben, I was blindsided and hit in the back of the head with a shovel. My body was buried underneath a gazebo, and with me, my baby died too.

Not even a proper tombstone! I got a gazebo and got to share my grave with some crusty and old woman. Meanwhile Vivien got Ben and a daughter and a beautiful house and a life that should've been mine! I was left to die in the grass with nothing.

Ben didn't expect me to come back. The look on his face was priceless! I laughed about it for what felt like hours afterwards. I probably did; I'm still not sure how this dead thing works. But then Vivien died giving birth to two babies. She already had one child, why should she get two more? That wicked woman from next door stole one baby and the other was given to Vivien and Ben.

They're both dead now. The entire Harmon family lives in the house. As my afterlife didn't suck enough! At first I thought I could ignore them with their happy and loving death ways. But the knowledge soon sunk in.

I still loved Ben Harmon. If he asked me to be with again, I would fall into his arms willingly. I would fall to my knees and do anything he commanded. We would be happy together; I believe that, I still believe that. But none of that mattered. He had his wife, daughter, and son. All I got was the cold basement and a weeping and blubbering teenager.

Every day I am forced to watch him have the life he always wanted. I am on the sidelines in the dark, waiting for a call that will never come. A part of me knew that he would never call on me again. It was a part of the past and we were all frozen in a house that never aged.

Ben and Vivien would never break up, especially since they couldn't go anywhere. I wasn't the girl he was going to every night to tuck their baby in. I wasn't the one dancing with him in the living to the records he found in the attic. I was just someone he went to at a dark point in his life. Nothing more.

Until the day comes that someone frees us from this hellhole; until I can go one day without feeling this ache in my chest; until I can face him without feeling like someone scooped my heart out; I'll remain here in the shadows, dancing on my own.


End file.
